On a micro scale - I have enjoyed getting to know more intimately several people here on GAIA. What a great group of spirited and loving individuals. There are some of you I only know from GAIA, but plan to connect with (via phone, and perhaps a visit) at some point.

This is not a definitive list but I've gotten to know and have connected with some of these people (sorry if I left your name out):

Julia, Carla, Boogie (Stacy), Sylvia, Jacqueline (Jackie), AlcheMystic (Mimi), Mimi, FastDart (Larry Lars), MamaSue & Dave her husband, Snow Moon (Earla), Jeff, Jenni, Christopher (I forget his new moniker on GAIA) . . . 

Some of the people that I'd love to meet here are: Mila, Sherrielene, Shameslaya (Jon from England), Zephyr, Alluvia, Jaguar Goddess, Sanmugan, Ladybear, Samme, Mickey Dee, Ayla, Nicole, Victoria, Resurrected1 (Ariela), Sparrow, MsCapriKell (Kelly), Masha, Maze, Janet, Elisa, Enlightened Thinker, Centria, C.G., Lynx, Hummingbird, Debyemm, Tinkonthebrink, Clare, Attainment, Siona, Laurie, Jeannie, Martha, Mascha, PJ, Asteri, Bill, Rose, Rakey Master Dan, Blewbird, Mum's the Word, Susan #1, Helenrscp, Buddingspritlet, Ane Lis, Tharlam, Ted, Ohmsmom, Clare, Sandra, Atma, Jung Girl, B.B., Little Big O, Mamakat, kcidybom, Nut, Jenn, Mu and many more. I can feel the embrace, the essence of these people I've come to love here on GAIA. I would love the opportunity to be in their physical presence. 

But there is this paradox, that within the safest thing, fear is but a breath away and vice versa. Mostly I feel safe, loved and part of the big picture. I feel safe even if I miss one of my lines in this great play, this great leela.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to sit with a dear friend who had many complications from AIDS and who was approaching his death with great awareness. He had said to me, "Look into my eyes as I am dying. I'll carry that sparkle of life on with me, even after I'm no longer here with you." WOW, I thought - what awareness. He didn't seem to be stuck in staying around in a body vehicle that was destined to die. But I sensed he knew that his spirit, that which animated him in this life, that his spirit would have no ending. He seemed to understand that duality as the appearance (some call illusion) of his operating in this world.

So, I'm looking at my garden, thinking how lovely and lively it is, and then I stoop down to pick up the dead leaves, that were once alive, and that now mulch the ground. Isn't it a strange feeling to see this around us daily. Rilke said, "Life and death at core are entwined . . . ".

I have grieved many friends and family who have made their transition from their earthly bodies, back into the dimension of pure spirit and each time there was a sense of joy (look at the duality in this), knowing that a spark of their appearance in life here that I got to witness, that a spark of their life would still live on. I sense and feel that once something is giving life, that it is always with us, hence the stories and remembrances that we have of those who have made this transition. I miss my mother and often say how I wish she were still here, but her spirit is still here, moving in me, and in everything that is re-membered, everything that was touched by her. Everywhere I see sparkles of her spirit, and in me I feel that her sparkle is not separate or dead, but alive, just as if she were in the flesh.

So, it seems that what we call lost to death is just a rearrangement of the property of the universe, in which nothing is ever lost. See, I am a non-dualist living in a seemly dualistic world, BUT IT IS ALL ONE. A leaf falls from a tree and does the tree grieve. Even in death we are supported. The leaf now feeds the very tree that gave it life. Another aha moment was my realization of a self-contained universe in which NOTHING IS LOST.

I'm really missing my Jeff this morning, even while he sits in jail and awaits an unknown outcome. I am thinking that life is not the same without him in my physical presence, but I still feel the spark of his being, his aliveness, even while he is not near me. And I feel a constant movement, moving me within it toward more experience of this life, of WHAT IS.

So, do we really lay down our life or do we lay down our bodies used in this life. I think the latter. I consider that laying down my life as laying down a sparkly experience within this bigger thing that will continue eternally. I can know this now and respond to it according to my understanding and my ability (RESPONSE-ABILITY), and try not to fear death. Death does not so much concern me about giving up this body, but pain does. Seems that spirit really wants to be here, experiencing life, and would like to stay as long as possible. Can we ever know the reason for this? I have thought that this was what was meant by GOD  experiences GOD through us. And we are just a part of it, just as the trees, the rocks, the hurricaines, the stars, the planets, galaxies, rot, worms, birds . . .  To me, it is all GOD, universal spirit, moving in and around what we call this agency of myself, ME, or us.  So, in a sense there is no ultimate death of what is. The property just changes, the body changes and grows and moves into the next state. The next state is just another dual thing in our being, that will come and go, but the whole thing is without beginning and without end. So, I'll end here cause I'm not sure I said much anyway. Have a great day.

I'm really not doing "Pride" events. I'm doing John events just like I do daily. I used to go to the parade and the market and listen to the entertainment at the Pride event, but not so much anymore. I don't feel I have to do that to support it, to make a statement once a year. I make that statement in my life each day by "living out loud."

See, I didn't really grow up feeling that I inadequate because I am gay. I mean, I heard what I was told that contradicted what I felt, but I just couldn't believe it, because inside of me I was informed otherwise, that I was good, that I was loved. There was a peaceful knowing even at an early age that I was okay. I was what I call innocently proud, happy with who I was, with my "I AMness". And yes, I was criticized and told that being "gay" was not okay, was an "abomination against God," and that "it just ain't right," but what did I care? I knew better.

So, what does it mean to "live out loud"? To me it means living from my heart, feeling the support of the universe, and speaking my truth, without secrets, with nothing hidden. (People can't gossip about you if you have no secrets.) So, I put my life into the world, with all its sparkliness, with all my hearts love, with awareness and connection to whatever the moment brings, singing loudly and even making up the words if I don't know what the current song is. I AM who I am without excuses, because no excuses are needed. Life is its own validations and needs no excuses.

Sad that some cannot accept the I AMness of others, can't accept the diversity within this great unity. I feel that it's all important, these differences, and that each contributes to the whole, in some mystical and unknown way that we cannot fully know (because we are not the whole thing, but only parts). I'm proud to be a part of the whole thing. I work at being who I am, even as it shifts and evolved, to live out loud, to live fully, breathing my way to the end only to begin again.

So my pride is not just a "gay pride" but a pride of presence, one that wishes to celebrate all pride, Our Pride. I am proud to meet you, to be with you. I'm proud of your accomplishments, your sharing your part of life with me and my part of life. I am proud to sit at your feet and listen and learn. I'm proud of the things that you are proud of: your family, your children graduating, the milestones you are measured with in this life. I'm proud of your animals and the stories you tell me of them. I'm proud that you live out loud too! I'm proud to have no embarrassment about who I am. I am proud that you invite me, call me, to connect, to journey with you in this life. I am humble proud to be in this presence, of this presence, living through this presence.