I know myself better than anyone else knows me. And no, I cannot predict how I might respond in any given situation. I often surprise myself as life often surprises me. That's what makes it so interesting. The not knowning, just when we think we know. The growing just when we think we are grown.
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If I look deeply, all my personal needs are met. However, there are many wants and desires that have little to do with my most basic personal needs. I'm really not wanting for any-thing.
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How dare I have any rules for life! How dare I. Life breathes in, as and through me with any rule that I can understand. Life is infinite and cannot be confined by any rule. I am stuck at one point and not moving, evolving, transforming if I adhere to any rule. My rule is to have no rules, to explore, to live life deeply and as fully engaged as possible. Well, maybe one rule is to step outside of any given rule, to move beyond, to engage more, not to exclude but to include. After all, we aren't separate - that is an illusion.
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I ain't waiting on nuthin' or nobody. Dreaming and desire have placed me here and I'm happy where I am and with taking normal steps in the continued journey. All my needs are presently met.
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The cat is waiting to get tuna with extra water. Customers are waiting to see choices of jewelry I have to sell to them. My sweetheart is waiting for me to leave so that he can use the computer.
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A friend who has been depressed and all caught up in some personal drama finally began to come out of it and almost cracked a smile. That tiny little movement showed hope that she would be okay.
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I am enlightened just enough to know I that I don't know. I am elightened to act upon what I know and keep doing just as I am doing now. If I was other, how could I know?
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Where do those lost socks go? (I think that has been asked before, but I still don't know)
Sometimes I just want to be surprised without having to know what is next.
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Well I get a lot of help already, with each relationship I can see help in some form or another, even if it is a lesson to learn. I would like from others in life in the area of not backing off of the hard or difficult things. That is what help is about right? The sharing of self, even in the difficult times with the difficult things, the darker things, the uncomfortable things. So often we exclude this difficult things from out life, denying their very existance. Maybe that's why infinite life has been divided into seemingly single lives, so that it can come back together again. To know oneself implies relationship to other within oneself. Like . . . I split myself to see myself come together as whole. Does that make sense? Well . . . just thinking out loud again.
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My body is sleepy and tired from dodging negative bullets of toxic people wanting to inflict pain on my loved ones. My body is saying, leave me alone and let me be at peace. My body does not worry - that is in the mind. Why worry when just having a pure awareness of whatever is happening is the best thing we can possibly do.
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Well, it is arranged the way it is because my very gifted designer friends, a wonderful couple of guys who live in my condo community, gifted me with an entire room makeover. Of course they asked my permission, and how could I say no. Yes, they did the work, paid for most of it, bought the furniture . . . and it is so me. They even built a room divider/broom closet and on the door painted a piece of original art. But all the time they talked to me and asked me my feelings of placement, color, content . . . and they hit it on the nail. I'll try to post pictures later.
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I don't think it is something that I can quantify . . . there are goals, there is acheiving, there is influencing and it is all happening now. Let's not make a matter of moreover and over think this! And there are only seeming blockages, barriers and goals.
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I AM my own authority. I am the authority that decides my relationship to other authority. I AM never powerless even when it seemingly appears that I have no power. ;-D
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I observe that as a whole species we look but rarely see, we hear but don't listen . . . for the most part.
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My presence is a true gift, the very essence of who I am. I am in the present, as a present, presenting myself, gifting myself to the other presents/presences. Part of this gift is a willingness to be opened, and then the surprise, whatever it may be. Giving myself away, in many ways. I get a thrill of just being opened up, tissue thrown here and there, the grabbing of my heart, the central organ of my gift, the surprise. My true gift is giving myself. Walt Whitman said somewhere in Leaves of Grass, ". . . when I give, I give of myself . . ."
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I am very fond of encouraging people, to be the best that they are, to find, recognize and step into their purpose, to know themselves. I'm fond of bringing beauty to the world, in word, deed and other creative expressions (music, making jewelry, cooking, etc.)
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I do the lovely work of being myself, encouraging others, creating beautiful things and loving relationships . . .
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QaR
November 2009 
Satya-Seer
