This is what I can do right now:
I can BE peaceful, I can BE positive, I can BE joyful, I can BE loving, I can BE compassionate, I can BE beautiful and bring beauty to all I touch. I can BE this things because I CHOOSE (remember free will) to BE these things. All of this DOES make a positive difference.

Can this question be answered in its fullness? I think we can only and always attend to answering what it may be in part.  Who we are can be seen in all the answers to this question, and those unspoken moments of our experience. So whatever we are is so much more than any description of who we are. We are worlds colliding, galaxies being born, white star deaths, black holes. We are bud and sepal, masculine and feminine, adepth and challenged . . . we are the good, bad and the ugly. We are the breath and silence between this and that. Until your world gets brought into my world, I can only think I know, but, when your world touches my world in the realm of shared experience, then again, we will have a momentary yet fleeting knowing . . . and much of what I know is in living the questions.

Yesterday, I asked a friend for a glass of wine, a shoulder to lean on, and an ear to listen. I had a major life changing challenge, the type that is out of my control (sigh), and just needed to let the feelings and thoughts move out in a healthy way, and to receive the support that I knew would be there. So, YES, I did get what I asked for. In fact, as the day went on, I realized that I had asked for this in a small way and received it in a big way. I could feel the support in a HUGE spirit filled way. Hard to explain, but that was exactly it, as I observed it. The teachings say, "ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find." And how could it not be given in love when asked for in love? How perfect in an imperfect world. I don't even find it hard to ask for help anymore. I trust that always the right thing will be provided.

I went to pick up some music at a church for a performance in which I'll be playing flute next Sunday, Mother's day, and as I was walking back to my car, in my mind I asked the universe what support it had for me . . . well, WHEW! Immediately I felt, really felt, a breeze of air, and I took a deep breath. That was the answer: It was breath, sustenance and I felt the internal knowing thing going on that said, "I am not apart from the support for which I ask." BING-BING-BING went my brain cells! What a wakeup call. To feel that support, to know in an intimate way that we are supported by that very life, our very life. What encouragement.

In the teaching of Religious Science there is a saying that goes something like this: "All life asks for is to be/appear, you are that and so am I."

So, now instead of asking how it can support me, I'm asking myself, how is it that I can show my support and breath into a thing that needs freshness and vitality, such as the breath that moves through me.

And I want to thank Nicole who always seems to be a fresh breeze when I am in my mind struggling for the next breath.

NOW. Right here, right now. I can't look to the past to qualify or quantify my deepest growing because it is ongoing, always happening. I learn so much from living and loving and what I'm learning now seems to be the most important teachings that I am discovering. It is before me, presenting itself now, so this is the most important stuff, right now. I'm learning that the universe and others support each of us, if we just look to see it, call on it, and allow ourselves to be held in the arms of such loving creation. Look around you - see it? It smiles upon us that we may smile back.

Last evening as we had severe and damaging thunderstorms I was reminded that I am in a thunderstorm presently, but I also notice in my garden this morning that it is unscathed, and drinking in the freshness of the moment, the sustenance of what the storm brought. I am blessed and happy. No thing or situation can touch the deepness of bliss that resides in my body, is prior to my body, and survives my body.

I'm always looking for more of Self, the authentic me. But that's not quite it either - it is more like part of the appearance of who I think I am keeps falling away, leaving behind the simple and pure essence of who I am, that which comes before appearance, comes before the body, and survives the death of the body. The best hunt is in meditation when the hunt stops, the animated screen of identification shines multidinous sceens of feeling, emotion, outward actions and being . . . and it sits on top of this feeling of bliss which never comes nor goes. I notice that it is always there, always available, during the hunt and after the hunt. It is always there through all the quickly moving projections. It is there beyond any crystalized belief. It is life in its essence, in no form and in all forms. But the property is always shifting, changing and the knowing of Self becomes larger, more fully understood, more graceful, and with that the acceptance of what is. There seems to be safety in knowing but also in unknowing. Maybe it is like being in a scavenger hunt for the other side of the paradox. Maybe it is a scavenger hunt for the next question beyond the last answer. Who can say?

I am most comfortable when I am creating art, jewelry, playing flute, cooking, around those those allow me to be myself with condition, when I am giving fully of myself. So, there is always the possibility that that could be anywhere. I'm comfortable stepping out into unknown groups of people. I'm comfortable at work as I help people smile and when I share encouragement and laughter with them. I'm comfortable most of the time.

Sometimes I see the reflection of myself in the mirror of another and sometimes I don't and it is offered as an invitation to see. If I can see myself in them, then I have a clearer recognition of what IS in the relationship, and it becomes an opportunity for a greater understanding of the interconnectedness, and my own unique mode of operation in that. It becomes an opportunity to experience more in the range of FULLNESS of LIFE. It is nice when it is so naturally recognised and I see it gracefully, without contraction from it, but with an embrace, saying "Yes, I see. Yes, that is it."

Nicole had asked sometime ago if I had any recordings of me playing flute and I had to admit that I did not. Well, I do but they are on old VHS. But I performed today at the local Presbyterian Church Choir and this is the recording. My partner, Jeff did this on his camera so the video is not to great but the audio is pleasantly good. Hope you enjoy one of my greater gifts, music.

Grow up has the connotation that there is an ending to growth. Maybe in linear time and in this body, as markers, but we are always growing, becoming . . . journeying and it never stops. So I guess that I want more fullness of what is, and it is a given that that will happen. With this journey more is included, world universe and creation as we know it becomes larger.

Less is more? Maybe less attachement that stops us at a certain point or place or in our mind. But I want more, which means that as I drop that which has served me, I move to the next thing, and so on. I am in the flow! I am the flow! I am not in the river flowing with it but the very river in its stillness, current, evaporation, dams . . . I am life moving out to experience itself. I am that very life and so are you, and so it is!

Wherewithall to persist even in the toughest times is what I've inherited. There is an inner strength that my maternal grandmother, my Aunt, and my mother gave to me, to keep going even during bleak times. Along with this they gave me the gift of giving of myself. They were such givers from their hearts. They did not give expecting to receive anything, but for the pure joy of giving to bring joy to others. Often my grandmother would say, if we were getting under her feet on Saturdays, "If you boys don't have anything to do, then go give yourself away." And she meant, go serve someone by giving of yourself, your time, your help, your assistance. I love that phrase, "Go give yourself away." My legacy continues as I give myself away, moving out from the love in my heart, to assist where I can.

NO, I don't find it hard to assert myself, to put myself forward. And I don't find it hard to help others, be it in asserting themselves, or putting themselves forward  - into life. I DO take care of my needs and ask for assitance when I feel that others may assist. So I look where there are needs to be met, in my and in other. I don't place one above the other. I place my attention where it is needed. If my needs are met and others are not, then my need them becomes giving of myself to relieve the suffering of "the other". If others suffer, then I suffer too, because we are all One. If I suffer, then others, the whole, suffer too. We are strong as our weakest link. Let's shore-up and provide strength to the weak links, in ourselves and in others. YES, it is SELF-serving. What I do for others is what I do for myself and what I do for myself is what I do for others. When I give, I give of my-SELF, the best part of me, so that if may be the best part of you.

I would choose to make a choice to find the right lawyer in defense of Jeff, my partner. I would choose with integrity, a lawyer who has his Jeff's best interests as a gay man, a lover of truth, one who is false accused through the action of violence by proxy, one who will stand up for his basic civil, human and constitutional rights. I choose now to meet and associate with this person and with all persons who live from the center of their loving hearts.

I guess the secrets that I hide from myself are, I presume, perhaps still hidden. But, NO, I am not afraid of my greatness. Sometimes greatness comes in small packages, strange packages, odd feeling and looking packages. Greatness may come in any appearance. Greatness is the way we respond to any-thing by the choices we make. I find greatness sometimes as other peoples garbage thrown away. I find greatness in simplicity. I find a roaring thunder in silence which is great. I find the greatest greatness in our very essence, the breath that is breathed into us, LIFE. Look around, it's all great! It is your life, it is here for you to use fully. There are no secrets, only things that we have yet to unveil by the unravelling of our monkey minds and ego.

I wish that, with the help of friends, we can raise enough money for a defense attorney for my beloved who is in jail. I wish that he were home with Lala and me, in his warm bed, petting the kitty, feeling the freshness of freedom on his face. I visualise this and dream about it. I also wish and hope that everything will fall into place for me to receive assistance for Lala, to have a sitter in our home for her during the day, that services to get her out into the community will come. I wish for the best for everyone in the coming days, weeks, years . . . in this life.

I really liked Tara's answer to this: "Are you paying attention?"

I like that answer because if I'm paying attention, then it would seem I'm in the fullness of life, responding, journeying, transforming . . . I know I often look but don't see, I talk but don't speak, I hear but don't listen. Paying attention to me means being very present, not resisting what is or life, but responding to each and every aspect of life and death, and life and death are so entwined.

Not always, but usually in the early morning around 4:30am when I wake, and it is silent, and the energy of the day is not frothy and frenzied, when remembrances of dreams fade away and no story lies ahead. I often find and snuggle with the cat, pushing my face into her furriness, without thoughts, and the birds begin to speak and I have nothing to say. Sometimes, though, in the middle of night, when I awake, the same thing occurs. And even ocassionaly, even in the frenzied day I experience this same thing, this NO-thing-ness! So, to me, it's not about relegating it to a particular time, but just noticing IT, and noticing that it is not a thing but at the core of who I AM.

But I DO play an instrument. I play the flute (classical) and several other flutes. I have played professional before with The Army Ground Forces Band, a special touring concert band that travelled all over the US. Yes, I was in the Army from 1983-87. I play piano as well, but mostly have played with many community bands, orchestras as a principal flutist and soloist since 1987. I have played with Avolante Winds, my own woodwind quintet for over 25 years. I mostly offer my gift to churches and at social functions for friends.

I'd love to learn the bassoon, cello and harp, and one day I may study those instruments as well. I love the story of Murali, Krishna's flute, whom Krishna breathed through. I like to think of myself as Murali as an instrument of God.

By being peaceful, creating peace within myself. It will then move out in relation to the world and be felt as peace. It will be met by peace, calm and stillness. If you want peace, be peaceful.

I was thinking this morning about how we respond in relation to our world, that which we experience. Do we respond in an appropriate or Godly way, a way that is positive, OR do we respond our of fear and negativity? I thought about this as the song, Here I Am Lord kept playing in my head.  Here are the lyrics to the song.

Here I am Lord
Words and Music by Daniel L Schutte
 

Genesis 46:2
"And God spake unto Israel in the visions of the night,
and said, Jacob, Jacob.  And he said, Here am I."

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.

I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Chorus:
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people's pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?

Chorus:
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.

Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?

Chorus:
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

DO I respond in relation to the Earth that supports us so graciously - do I respond by abusing her and not listening? DO I respond to those in need who are hurting with more hurt, with no peace?

We are at our core Gods and Goddesses, of the same essence that created us, and as such we are co-creators of our world and experience. Knowing this then do we not have the responsibility (our ability to respond) for our creations (good or bad). Can we choose to respond in a positive way, to bring about peaceful change, to support that which supports us. In all circumstances, can we just stop, breathe, be still, feel that which supports us and act appropriately. I think so. I'd love to continue this dialogue with those who wish to engage here.

THANKS - Satya-Seer/John

Nothing !  I'm busy doing what I have to do and what needs to be done.

This morning I'm not sure if I need a solution to any perceived problem or if I need to just get out of the way and allow the natural flow of life to continue to flow, and in that flow, all things are resolved, worked out. For today, I'm practicing peace and love at every step, doing what I can, and staying soft in my heart. Sometimes we don't know what deep or turbulent water we're in, so I see myself swimming in whatever body of water I'm in. I would prefer to not look at situations as problems but as opportunities. The challenge of problems may sometimes see unsurmountable, but the challenge of an opportunity can be transforming and offers, for me, hope.

...here's the deal:

I took this from Heemes blog who got the idea from Martha.

Here is what Heemes wrote and I will not reinvent it but use the same here.

"The first five (5) people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations so please read carefully:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make. None whatsoever.
2. What I create will be just for you, with respect.
3. It'll be done this year (2009).
4. It will be something made in the real world and not something cyber. It may be weird or beautiful. It may be edible. It may be ugly.
5. I reserve the right to do something strange. It will probably not involve cheese.
6. In return, all you need to do is nothing. Well, a smile would be great.

If you're one of the first 5 people to respond and repost, I will send you a message later to get your mailing address.


Read more: Connecting Creatively by Martha Bergin — Gaia Community -  http://communitybuilder.gaia.com/blog/2009/3/connecting_creatively#ixzz0BvRDRBG8 "

Thanks Heemes and Martha for this wonderful idea. I can't wait to get started.

In this expression, as Satya-Seer / John, there is no belonging or attachment to any one hitch. If I belong here then does that mean I cannot belong there. I belong nowhere and everywhere at once. I will not be longing to or for this or that. I am being not belonging. If I am being then I am not belonging. Belonging is an illusion and attachment. Belong denotes a certain ownership and I really own nothing, not even this body. I'm just using it to move in this agency of beingness. What a rather strange question.

I have no destination 'cause I'm wandering with a seeming plan, and the journey is eternal so there is no end, there is no "getting there." Once there, then there becomes here and is no longer there and the journey continues.